Tomorrow, July 11th, is Larry’s birthday. He would have been 62.
This is the 9th year we haven’t been able to celebrate his birthday with him.
I wish I could tell you that I don’t cry for him anymore.
I wish I could tell you that I don’t miss his smile and big hugs.
I wish I could tell you that my heart still doesn’t ache.
What I wish most… is that he was still here.
What I have learned from grief is that time doesn’t matter. It could be ninety instead of nine years without Larry and I will still miss him. So, I pray every day for the strength to cope without my greatest love. And I do cope. And you will too.
Time doesn’t erase the memories or the love you still carry in your heart. Thank goodness! What time does is allow the pain to lessen, so as you heal, all the memories that surface are met with love instead of anger. Yes, time (and a lot of therapy) has allowed my heart to heal.
As my heart heals, I’ve learned to appreciate the struggles I’ve overcome. After facing immeasurable sadness I’ve learned to appreciate joy. After experiencing depths of anger that I didn’t know was possible, I’ve come to appreciate peace. While I still have bouts of sadness and anger that surrounds grief, I do my best to find the joy and peace that is in MY life. I try to carry that joy forward each day, including Larry’s birthday.
So even though Larry is not here physically, he is in our hearts and we WILL celebrate his birthday.
The first couple Birthday’s without him, the boys were young, and we did activities that were age appropriate. As they got older, they chose other ways to remember and honor Larry. There is no right or wrong way to remember someone. Trust your gut and trust what you feel in your heart. Below are some activities we did, and still do, to honor Larry:
- Draw cards for him
- Write notes to him
- Balloon release
- Cooked his favorite dinner
- Share our favorite stories about him
- Watched videos of him
- Traveled to places he did, or places he wanted to take the boys
I pray however you choose to remember and honor your loved one, you find the peace and love you deserve.
P.S. The picture above is the last birthday we celebrated with Larry. Happy Birthday My Love!